Coffee Break 89 January 28, 2007 Welcome to Coffee Break! Some of us go to the movies or shop because it makes us feel good. Then there are those rare people who spend their leisure time putting themselves out to help others.  For those of you following my daughter's efforts to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society I am happy to report she made good time running the PF Chang’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Arizona Half Marathon of 13.1 miles.  As she  continues her fund raising efforts and training for the March Marathon, I hope you will get behind her and make a donation.  Your tax deductible donation of any amount will be greatly appreciated not only by Leanne, but by those stricken with these dread diseases. With January being National Soup Month, we have a nice collection of easy and delicious soup recipes in Cyber Kitchen ... Don't miss 'em. We love for you to participate in Coffee Break. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips and noteworthy items.  If you have a suggestion of something you would like to see here, be sure to let us know that, too. Take care, Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker   Public Service Announcement ... Here's a good computer tip! This is for everyone over 50 whose eyesight isn't what it used to be. I just found out about it, and thought I would pass the information on. It's very useful when trying to read small e-mail print (especially in the early hours). If you hold down the Ctrl key on your key board and turn the small wheel in the middle of your mouse, the print size will change - it will either get larger or smaller - depending on which way you turn the wheel. Gotta a tip?  Share it with us:       Special Announcement ... "Fetch-A-Gift" Basket Custom-made Gift Baskets For Pets Valentine's baskets for your dog or cat start at $25 each Custom-made gift baskets for pets, for any occasion, any budget.   Can ship anywhere in the United States.  Order Now for Valentine's Day!   “Make a dog or cat happy today! For more information, visit: www.fetchagiftpetbaskets.com Or email Sonya at: sonyav@comcast.net    Now, this weeks Goodies ... Super Bowl Seat ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there. "No," the man replied, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the first man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?" The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shook his head. "No, they're all at her funeral."   Carrier Landing ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen This is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity.   Here's video footage of an A-6 carrier approach and landing. It was taken from the cockpit by the copilot. The conditions are ideal ... calm sea, daylight and a stable aircraft.  This is AWESOME!  Carrier Landing   Singing in Church ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind. The pastor shouted out "CROSS ." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS......." The pastor hollered out "GRACE" The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound." The pastor said "POWER" The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD." The Pastor said "SEX" The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES.   Wellness Tip #1 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen   Cussin’ ~ Thanks to Ms. Juanita Whiteside A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say "hell" and you say "ass." "OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there till I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man? "I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios." Grandkids ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No, said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."   New Alabama Quarters  ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. "We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices." The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide. "The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama quarter, which was created by an Auburn University graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."    Ole The Norwegian ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him in Minnesota for paintings. One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay 50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus. In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff 'ta leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes."   Wellness Tip #2 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Oh, oh! ~ Thanks to A Prairie Home Companion Did you hear of the poor fellow who drowned at work in a vat of varnish? It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish!   The OBGYN ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen An OB-GYN decided he was tired of the high cost of malpractice insurance so he decided to go into another field.  He began to take night classes in Auto Mechanics, and before long it was time for his final exam. He studied long hours to prepare, took the test and felt he did good. When his grades arrived he was alittle shocked. He had made 150! He called his professor and said he did not want to sound ungrateful but he was not sure how he had received a 150 on his exam.  The instructor told him this:  "You received 50 points for taking the engine apart, 50 points for putting it back together correctly, and I gave you 50 points for doing it through the muffler."   Teacher's Gifts ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.  The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.  She touched a drop of the amber liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed.  "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?" "No," said the little boy. "I give up," she said. "What is it?" The boy replied, "It's a puppy!"   Wellness Tip #3 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen More Grandkids ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso   My young grandson called to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"   The Barber ~ Thanks to A Prairie Home Companion A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen Bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut. Warning  ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers. And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Delicatessen managers and Microsoft customer service reps. It's getting ugly!   Picture of the Week - Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Countryside in China Thank you for being with us in this new year.  Your contributions make this page a must stop for many.  I hope you liked what we had to offer in this issue. Your comments and suggestions are always welcome.  When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along.  I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.  May 2007 bring you all you hope for and much more. Make it a good week, talk to those you love, and come back soon. Joanne Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker e-PRO Realtor® Advantage Realty Advantage Mortgage Associates 3205 Whipple Road - Union City, California 94587 (510) 429-4800 Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate,  Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate,  Danville real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real estate,  Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate. Peninsula real estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate, Half Moon Bay real estate Types of real estate in which we specialize:  houses, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties.

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