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December 9,
2007 |
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Public Service Announcement ~ Thanks to Mr.
Jim Knudsen
What's in
you hotel glass?
Video reveals
hotel's not looking out for guests
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Public
Service Announcement ~ Thanks to
C|net
Word Web
Updated - Download the
latest version of Word Web, the neatest word wizard and
its free. This thesaurus/dictionary can be used to
look up words from almost any program.
Find
out more about Word Web and download it
free.
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Public Service Announcement ~ Thanks
to Dummies.com
How Spammers Get Your E-Mail
Address
Spammers employ a variety of
methods to acquire e-mail addresses. Some methods take
advantage of the e-mail addresses readily available on
the Internet, whereas others employ different levels of
trickery, from harvesting to outright stealing. Get the info
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Public Service Announcement ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Ward
Having trouble deciding who to vote for in
2008?
This
will compare your answers with ALL
candidates. I found this to be of
interest ... It selected the candidate I had
expected! Of even more interest was which
were way down the list - and why.
A politician is a man who thinks of the next election; while the statesman
thinks of the next generation.
-James Freeman Clarke, preacher and author (1810-1888) |
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New Style of Car Doors ~
Thanks to Mr. John Lopez
Pretty cool ... Click here: Disappearing Car Door
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Wedding Invitation ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
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Road Trip ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton and Ms.
Sandra Freitas
While on a road trip, an
elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for
lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the
restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving,
the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the
table, and she didn't miss them until they had been
driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to
the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance
before they could find a place to turn around, in order
to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way
back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old
man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his
wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He
just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief,
they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the
woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve
her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're
in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit
card."
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Month Before Christmas ~ Thanks to Mr.
& Mrs. Dan Klimek
T'was The Month
Before Christmas
T'was the
month before Christmas
When all through our
land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking
a stand.
Why the Politically
Correct Police had taken away,
The reason for
Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told
by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds
and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might
hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a " Holiday ".
Yet the shoppers were
ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing
folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from
Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was
changing, something quite odd!
Retailers
promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell
books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging
their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word
Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and
Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear
the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words
that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden,
Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on
Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !
At the top of the
Senate, there arose such a clatter
To
eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke
not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and
discarded
The reason for the season, stopped
before it started.
So as you celebrate
"Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree"
Sipping
your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words
carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY
CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holidays !
I know I for one
will tell everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS, NOT Happy
Holidays…
Baby Jesus’ Birthday
is a very important day to celebrate - shout out loud
and tell everyone!
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Elk
Crossing ~
Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
This is the
actual turnoff from Banff, Alberta, Canada to the #1
highway to Calgary Great picture isn't it? They had to
build the animals (especially the elk) their own
crossing because that was where the natural crossing was
and after the highway was built there were far too many
accidents. I understand it didn't take the animals long
to learn that this was "their road."
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Student Nurse ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
Hospital regulations require a
wheel chair for patients being discharged. However,
while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my
help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about
rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife
was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's
still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her
hospital gown."
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Three Norwegians ~ Thanks to Ms.
Florence Pierson
Three Norwegians go down to Mexico to celebrate
college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in
jail, only to find that they are to be executed in
the morning, though none of them can remember what they
did the night before.
The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric
chair, and is asked if he has any last words. He says,
"I yust graduated from St. Olaf College in Northfield
and believe in the almighty power of God to
intervene on the behalf of the innocent" They
throw the switch and nothing happens. They all
immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for
Sven's forgiveness, and release him.
The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last
words, "I yust graduated from the Concordia College
in Moorhead and I believe in the power of
justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They
throw the switch and, again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately fall to their knees;
beg for his forgiveness, and release him.
The last one, Ole, is strapped in and says, "Vell,
I'm from the University of Nort' Dakota in Grand
Forks and yust graduated with a degree in
Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya
ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug
this t'ing in!"
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Phone
Salesman ~ Thanks to Ms. Leslie
Woodbury
This is an
absolutely amazing clip. Watch the judges reactions and
how their perspective changes from what they see in this
guy before and after he sings. It really is like each of
us, in a way. We are all capable of so much and all have
greatness hidden in ourselves. It is like the Savior
said in Luke 9:48, "For he that is least among you, the
same shall be great."
Incredible Phone Salesman
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Love ~ Thanks to Ms.
Barbara Jones
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Lutheran airlines ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
We are pleased to announce
Lutheran Airlines is now operating in Minnysota!
Also serving Visconsin, Nordern Mitchigen, Nort and Sout
Dakota
If you are travelin soon,
consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You're
all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a
upliftin experience. Dair is no first class on any
Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru
6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad 16 tru 21, a hot
dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors
please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
Everyone
is responsible for his or her own ba ggage All fares are
by free will offering, and da plane will not land
til da budget is met. Pay attention to your flight
attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system
aboard dis Lutran
Air.
Okay den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis
vonce: In
da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am
frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain
Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so
loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second
Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder
with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes--you're
gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat.
Just stuff doze back up in dair
liddle holes.
Probably
da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be
honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at
two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a
plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.
In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it.
Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to
da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive
dose who sin against us, which some people
say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but
what can you
do?
Da
use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden,
not because day may confuse da plane's navigation
sys tem, which is by da pants all da
way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain
in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a
cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your
head.
We
start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit
da coffeepot up front. Den we'll have da hymn
sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of
you Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna
be real upset and I am not kiddin!
Right now I'll say Grace: Come,
Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be
blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, May we land
in Dulut or pretty
close.
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Obedience School Winner
~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
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Base Jumping to the Max ~ Thanks to
Mr. Jim Ward
This is too cool.
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Sorry
sermon
One Sunday a cowboy
went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the
preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he
wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but
if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd
still feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed ... then two hours ...
then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished
and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm
not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only
one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
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Oh, oh... ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones
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Friends vs Minnesota Friends ~
Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
Friends: Never ask for food.
Minnesota
Friends: Always bring the food.
Friends: Will say "hello".
Minnesota
Friends: Will give you a big hug.
Friends: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Minnesota Friends: Call your parents Mom and Dad
Friends: Have never seen you cry.
Minnesota Friends: Cry with you.
Friends: Will eat at your dinner table
and leave.
Minnesota Friends: Will spend hours
there, talking, laughing, and just being together.
Friends: Know a few things about you.
Minnesota Friends: Could write a book with direct
quotes from you.
Friends: Would knock on your door.
Minnesota Friends: Walk right in and say, "Anyone
home?"
Friends: Are for a while.
Minnesota
Friends: Are for life.
Friends: Might ignore this.
Minnesota Friends: Will forward this to other
Minnesota friends.
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Einstein ~ Thanks to Mr. Dan
Klimek
Thought you all would get
a kick out of this bird ... AMAZING! Unbelievable... before you click
below, be sure your sound is on!
Watch Einstein
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Adam and Eve ~ Thanks to Mr.
Jim Knudsen
God said,
"Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam
said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God
explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God
explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the
hill... "
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He
told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find
a cave"
Adam said, "What's a
cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In
the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said,
"What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him,
too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first
said (under his breath), "Geez..." And then, just like
everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the
river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the
woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his eternal patience wearing a bit
thin, said, "What is it now?"
And Adam
said... "What's a headache?"
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| Picture of the Week ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen |
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ONE IN A MILLON PHOTO...
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 Before you go, be sure to visit our Christmas page. It is
overflowing with the Christmas spirit. Grab a cup
of coffee, tea or hot chocolate and enjoy the Christmas page,
Remember your
comments, suggestions, and
contributions are always welcome. When
you come across something funny or informative
and in good taste, please send it along. I
would love to include it with your name and
our thanks.
I leave you to ponder these golden
words a good friend shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything;
they just
make the best of everything that comes along their way."
Be happy and and come back soon.
~
Joanne
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Joanne L. Gardiner,
Broker e-PRO Realtor®
Serving the San Francisco Bay
Area
since Fido was a pup!
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800
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Our primary services in
the San Francisco Bay Area are: East
bay real estate, Hayward real
estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville
real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real
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