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October 18,
2007 ~ Next
update: To Be Determined
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Hi Friends of Coffee
Break...
Sometimes
work just gets in the way of our plans.
Like mine of showing up here every week with
goodies that give you pause, a smile or two,
and leave you looking forward to
your next visit.
I have
missed our get-togethers. Coffee Break is one
of my favorite hobbies. Hopefully I will have more
time in the New Year. For now, well, I will
be here as often as possible. Be patient
and please keep sending me your
goodies.
Enjoy this Coffee Break. We have some real
humdingers!
~
Joanne
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Veterans Day ~ November
11th
Click image to visit our Veterans
Day Tribute |
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Public Service Announcement ... Thanks to Ms.
Barbara Jones
I will seek and find you
... I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache,
shake and sweat until you moan and groan.
I will make you beg
for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point
that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am
finished, you will be weak for days.
All my
love,
The
Flu
Now, get your mind out of
the gutter and go get your flu
shot!
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Public
Service Announcement ... Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
Turn your clocks back one hour on
Sunday, November 4th
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Our Soldiers ~ Thanks to Mr. Clayton
Barry
Very prophetic and
provacative!
This film was made
by a 15 year old girl. Background song is entitled,
"Pacific Wind."
The
following is the hottest thing on the internet and on
Fox News today.
15 year old Lizzie Palmer put this
YouTube program together. There have been over 3,000,000
hits as of this morning. In case you missed it, here it
is:
Remember Me by
Lizzy Palmer
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Room Service
Joe checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a
bit lonely, so he thought he'd get one of those girls
advertised in the phone books under "Escorts and
Massages."
He opened the phone book to an ad for a
girl calling herself "Erotica." She was a lovely girl,
bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves
in all the right places ... beautiful long wavy hair ...
long graceful legs all the way up.
So Joe picks up his room phone and gives
her a call.
"Hello?" a woman says. Wow, she sounded
sexy ...
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and
I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No,
wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all
alone and what I really want is sex and I want it
now. I'm talking kinky ... the whole night long. You
name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything
you've got in your bag of tricks. Now, how does that
sound?"
The woman answers, "For an outside line,
Sir, you need to press 9."
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Think about this. ~ Thanks to
Mr. Michael Pruitt
Something very important to Remember...
"NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A
PRIORITY IN
YOUR LIFE WHEN THEY HAVE ONLY MADE
YOU AN OPTION IN THEIRS."
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Mensa Members
Mensa is an
organization for people with an IQ of 140 or higher.
A few years ago, there was
a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members
lunched at a local cafe.
While dining, they
discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and
their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the
contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only
the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for
Mensa!
The group debated and
presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant
solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty
saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with
their solution.
"Ma'am," they said, "we
couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains
salt and the salt shaker ... "
"Oh," the waitress
interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps
of both bottles and switched them.
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PMS ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo
Bruton
The Hormone Hostage knows
that there are days in the month when all a man has to
do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own
hands! This is a handy guide that should be as
common as a driver's license in the wallet of every
husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant
other!
DANGEROUS:
What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with
dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for
dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some
wine.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have
some wine.
DANGEROUS: What are you so
worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be
overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA
SAFE: Here, have some wine.
DANGEROUS:
Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You
know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I
get you a piece of chocolate with that?
ULTRA SAFE:
Here, have some wine.
DANGEROUS: What did
you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't
over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in
that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more
wine.
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic
Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy
Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me
with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May
Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood
Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My
Stuff
13. Potential Murder
Suspect |
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Blue Sky Aviation ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
You are a South
African bush pilot working for Blue Sky Aviation. You
fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick
lunch at the hospital.
It's a stifling
100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back up
to the cool, high blue yonder!
On the way back
to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade
within 1 mile has become very popular. You start
calculating the distance to the plane door and
wonder... "Do I feel lucky today?"
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The Seagull Thief ~ Thanks to Mr.
Tracy DeBiaso and Mr. Jim Knudsen
 A seagull in Scotland has developed the
habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop. The
seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and
then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of
cheese Doritos.
Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by
other birds.
The seagull's shoplifting started early this month
when he first swooped into the store in
Aberdeen,Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips.
Since then, he became a regular. He always took the same
type of chips.
The store owner shut the door to
stop the stealing - but caused an uproar from customers
so had to reopen it. Customers have begun paying
for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they
think it's so funny.
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Children and Angels ~ Thanks to
Ms. Florence Pierson
Children's Answers about
Angels...
I only know the names of two
angels. Hark and Harold. Gregory, 5
I hear angels all the time in
my dreams. And I'm sticking with that no matter how
many
people tell me I'm crazy. Molly,
8
Everybodys got it all wrong.
Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why but
scientists
are working on it. Olive,
9
It's not easy to become an
angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven then
there's still the flight training to go through. And
then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
Matthew, 9
Angels work for God and watch
over kids when God has to go do something
else.
Mitchell, 7
My guardian angel helps me
with math, but h e's not much good for
science.
Henry, 8
Angels don't eat but they
drink milk from holy cows. Jack, 6
Angels talk all the way while
they're flying you up to heaven. The basic message is
where
you went wrong before you got dead. Daniel,
9
When an angel gets mad, he
takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets
out
his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. Regan,
10
Angels have a lot to do and
they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes
in
through your window and leaves money under your
pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the
winter. Sara,6
Angels live in cloud houses
made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.
Jared, 8
All angels are girls because
they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.
Antonia, 9
My angel is my grandma who
died last year. She got a big head start on helping me
while
she was still down here on earth. Katelyn
,9
Some of the angels are in
charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if
they don't
make the animals get better, they help the
kid get over it.
Vicki, 8
What I don't get
about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot
arrows at them. Sarah,
7.
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Deer Rescue ~ Thanks
to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton
Caught 1
1/2 miles offshore while Fishing!
Yes, we
turned her loose when we got back to shore. She was
soooo tired and was glad to get into our boat and
rest! (Notice what's on the
shirt).
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Dancing Bird ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
& Ms. Linda Jo Bruton & Mr. Rick Epps & Ms.
Cathy Mills
Snowball is a medium sulphur
crested Eleanora cockatoo and he loves to dance and
sing.
Watch this bird dance
- Awesome!
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Places to Retire ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where
...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away
because you found shade.
2. You've experienced
condensation on your butt from the hot water in the
toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one
direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100
recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat"
is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open
your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot,
really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in California where
...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still
can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fast est part of
your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know
how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented
Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When
someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how
long it will take to get there rather than how many
miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood,
Mud, and Drought
You can Live in New York City
where...
1. You say "the city" and assume
everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get
into a four-hour argument about how to get from
Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find
Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is
"nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at
people in their own language
makes you
multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
You can Live in Maine where
...
1. You only have four spices: salt,
pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes
fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for
moose.
4. The four seasons are: winter, still winter,
almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in Jacksonville, N.C.
...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in
the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all
y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killi'n'" is a valid
defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob,
Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
Bobbi Sue, etc.
You can live in Colorado where
...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike
atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick
up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care
center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or
dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you
still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where
...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but
the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic
jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor or an Amish
buggy.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C"
on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a
preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how
your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"
AND You can live in Florida where
...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the
afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some
kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can
recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road
construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.
Cars in front of you are often driven by headless
people
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Undercover
Clergy ~
Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
A
minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day.
It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when
they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly
secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in
the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to
pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As
they were crossing an open area, who should come along
but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their
clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered
their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they
ran for cover.
After the
ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on,
the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he
covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi
replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY
congregation, it's my face they would
recognize."
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| Pictures of the Week ~ Thanks to Mr. John
Lopez |
Meet amazing Kyle Lograsso - The
5-year-old golf prodigy.
This is more than a video story about
his golf playing prowess. Don't
miss it.
Watch Kyle's Video
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 Before you go, remember your
comments, suggestions, and
contributions are
always welcome.
When you come across something funny or
informative and in good taste, please send it
along. I would love to include it with
your name and our thanks.
I leave you to ponder these golden
words a good friend of mine shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything;
they just
make the best of everything that comes along their way."
Make it a good week, be happy and and come
back soon.
~
Joanne
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Joanne L. Gardiner,
Broker e-PRO RealtorŪ
Serving the San Francisco Bay
Area
since Fido was a pup!
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800
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Our primary services in
the San Francisco Bay Area are: East
bay real estate, Hayward real
estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville
real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real
estate, Newark real estate, Niles real
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real estate, Sunol real estate and Union
City real estate. Peninsula real
estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City
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estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate,
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Types of real estate in
which we specialize: houses,
condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single
family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets,
residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes,
four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special
use properties.
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