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August 5, 2007
~ Next
update: September 2nd
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| Pulic Service Announcements
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Ponder this ...
Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our
heart rather than a piece of our mind."
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The
Human Society of Silicon Valley,
the pet place to
adopt a pet
Tyra - Animal
ID: 42500
Age: 3.5
years
Weight:
10
lbs.
Sex: Spayed Female
It’s a pleasure to meet you; my name is Tyra. If
you haven’t already fallen in love with my beautiful
seductive eyes, you are in for a treat when you meet me
“in person”, or is that “in cat”! I’m a young lady
hoping to find a home with some tender, loving people. I
will let you know when I need you; a short head butt
usually tells you I’m interested. They tell me my purr
is to die for, and I’m all about loving you back,
especially when you pet me. Are you worried about
introducing me to your lifestyle? I’m quite easygoing,
willing to enjoy a sunny window viewing the world from
the safety of your home. I’d love a home where I can
control my environment – no rough stuff please. An
indoor adult home would be this “cat’s pajamas”! So,
please stop by and ask to see me. I’m waiting for you to
take me home. 
Fuzzy Wuzzy -
Animal ID:
44635
Age:
1.5 years
Weight: 42 lbs.
Sex: Neutered
Male
Now, let's get this straight: I may be furry, but
I really think I'm WAY too cool for a Beanie-Baby kind
of name like “Fuzzy Wuzzy”! I see myself as the Danny
Zuko character from "Grease" – the cool guy in the black
leather jacket that all the girls swoon over. (And,
don't forget the part about smoldering eyes and
to-die-for hair!) I have a stunning lion-like mane of
black fur framing my face, with fetching flashes of
russet red on either side. (Some say they show the fire
that I have in my soul!) I'm sort of the "greased
lightning" type – I prefer the active life, strutting
down the street or zooming in a hot rod. But, I must
admit, underneath all my cool swagger, I'm really just a
big mush. (But, don't tell anyone, it might ruin my
image.) Just bring me home, and I'll be hopelessly
devoted to you.
For
more information on possibly adopting one of these
pets, please telephone Jaime Christianson at
727-3383 ext. 812, or send her an email at jchristianson@hssv.org
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Sound Off ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo
Bruton
Think About This One.
A car company can move
it's factories to Mexico and claim it's a free market.
A toy company can out source to a Chinese
subcontractor and claim it's a free market.
A shoe company can produce its shoes in south east
Asia and claim it's a free market.
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid
taxes and claim it's a free market.
We can
buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy shirts made
in Bangladesh. We can purchase almost anything we want
from 20 different countries.
BUT,
heaven help the senior citizens who dare to buy their
prescription drugs from Canadian or Mexican pharmacy.
That's called un-American! And you think the
pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful lobby?
Think again!
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Now, this weeks
Goodies ... |
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Inspiring ~ Thanks to Mr. Frederick
Jerant
An artist friend. In
return, he sent me to this You Tube video: "Women in
Art".
Many women's faces, morphing seamlessly from
one to another, accompanied by solo cello (probably
Bach).
It's simultaneously beautiful and
hypnotic. Women
The fellow who sent
me the link is quite an amazing guy. Not yet 40, he
holds a Ph.D. in neuroscience and (at least) a BA in
art. He has the progressive form of MS, which means he
gets steadily worse. Right now, he can’t stand or walk,
and seems to be losing the use of his left hand. But
he has more spirit than any ten people I know. He
continues to paint, exhibit and lecture, and you can
check out his work at Broken Art
Gallery .
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Caught in
the act
My best lesson in
child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old,
Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash.
Suddenly his fuming
father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how
sorry you are?"
"I don't know how much you saw!"
Steven stammered.
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Suffering
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on
a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for
God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon
for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a
little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the
elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one
day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find
his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the
sky.
The
worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned
with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to
me!" he cried.
Early
the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a
ship that was approaching the island. It had come to
rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the
weary man of his rescuers.
"We
saw your smoke signal," they replied.
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Ponder Lightly ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
As You Slide Down the Banister of
Life, Remember.
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy
Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's
called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who
likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
4. My mind works like
lightning. One brilliant flash and it is
gone.
5. The only time the world
beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
6 I hate sex in the
movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink
spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the
mood.
7. It used to be only
death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone
who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression
that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have
no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash
can.
10 A blonde said, "I was
worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was
relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal
fluid."
11. My neighbor was bit by
a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found
him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him
rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry
about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a
list of the people I want to bite."
12. Definition of a
teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
13. As you slide down the
banister of life, may the splinters never point the
wrong way. |
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Blond Emergency
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate
one day. She eases it over onto the shoulder of
the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and
opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds
them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing
oncoming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are
in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to
approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the
traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very
long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle
yelling:
"What is going on here?"
"My car
broke down, Officer" says the woman,
calmly.
"Well, what the heck are these obscene
cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" asks the
Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency
flashers!" she replied.
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Saying Their Prayers ~
Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo
Bruton
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Senior
Personal Ads ~ Thanks
to Ms. Barbara Jones
Who
Says The Seniors In Florida Don't Know How To Make Use
Of The Internet? Take
these Personal Ads, for
example:
FOXY
LADY FROM KINGS POINT
Sexy, fashion-conscious
blue-haired beauty, 80's slim,5'4" (used to be 5'6"),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a
plus.
LONG-TERM
COMMITMENT: BOCA RATON: Recent widow - have just buried
fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out
a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of
breath not a problem.
SERENITY
NOW: CENTURY VILLAGE - LYONS ROAD
I am into solitude,
long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If
you are the silent type, let's get together, take our
hearing aids out and enjoy quiet
times.
WINNING
SMILE: TAMARAC
Active grandmother with original teeth
seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn
on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES?
I
still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on
Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If
you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's
get together and listen to my eight-track
tapes.
MEMORIES ARE MADE OF
THIS
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's
put our two heads together.
IN MINT
CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition,
some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea,
valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks
well.
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Catholic Education
and a #2 pencil ~
Thanks to Mr. John
Lopez
Little Mary Margaret was not the best
student in Catholic
School. Usually
she slept through the
class. One day her
teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was
sleeping.
"Tell me
Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary
Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in
the rear.
"God
Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun
said, "Very good" and continued teaching her
class.
A little
later the Nun asked MaryMargaret, "Who is our Lord and
Savior?"
But Mary
didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to
her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus
Christ!" shouted Mary
Margaret.
The Nun once
again said, Very good,"
and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun
asked her a third question ... "What did Eve say
to Adam after she had her twenty-third
child?"
Again,
Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret
jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in
me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The
nun
fainted.
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Phone
Maze ~
Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
When you call India for technical
help and you have difficulty, it might not be your phone
but their phone lines.
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Tournament Weather
Our pastor, an
avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament.
As he was preparing to tee off, the organizer of the
tournament approached him and pointed to the dark,
threatening storm clouds which were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said,
"I trust you'll see to it that the weather won't turn
bad on us."
Our pastor shook his head.
"Sorry," he replied. "I'm sales, not
management!
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Can Art ~ Thanks to Mr. John
Lopez
Architects and engineers compete to see
whose team can build the most spectacular structure
using little more than cans of food at Canstruction,
the 13th annual NYC Design and Build competition in
New York.
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Family
Togetherness
An older woman recently returned from her
hometown in North Carolina and told a friend they'd
spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit
several years past. "Lots of new greenery," she said.
"And families are together now."
"All together?" her
friend asked, puzzled.
"Well," the first
replied, "years ago they never much worried where they
buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow.
They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance
things. But they've redone it so people are with their
children and grandchildren, instead of
scattered."
The friend was
aghast. "You mean they exhumed all those people and
reburied them?"
"Oh my, no," was the
reply. "We just shifted the headstones.
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| Pictures of the Week ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda
Jo Bruton |
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Ok folks, for
all of you who have never personally seen the sound
barrier, feast your eyes on the pictures.
Actual photos
of the sound barrier
This phenomenon
only happens at the instant an Aircraft breaks the sound
barrier.
And it
literally appears like the aircraft goes through a
wall.
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 Before you go,
remember your comments, suggestions, and
contributions are
always welcome.
When you come across something funny or
informative and in good taste, please send it
along. I would love to include it with
your name and our thanks.
I leave you to ponder what a good
friend of mine shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything; they just make
the best of everything that comes along their way."
Make it a good week, be happy and and come
back soon.
Joanne
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Joanne L.
Gardiner,
Broker e-PRO
Realtor®
Serving the San Francisco Bay
Area
since Fido was a pup!
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800
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