~ Coffee Break 102 ~ April 29, 2007 Hi friends,    Our backyard The rain is gone and now we're having a heat wave here in the San Francisco Bay Area ... What strange weather patterns we're having.   At my house we're gussying up the patio, pruning shrubs the "mow-blow-and-go" gardeners have neglected and planting summer flowers.  Soon we will be spending more time outdoors than inside ... my second favorite time of year next to Christmas. I hope you enjoy this week's Coffee Break.  Remember, your participation is welcome and invited. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips, and noteworthy items. Got a suggestion?  Contact Joanne ... and tell a friend about Coffee Break. Take care, stay in touch, and be happy, Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker  Pulic Service Announcements ...   Meet Roy Beck - America's Best Friend Click the image at the right to watch a very enlightening video. If you feel as I do, that immigration needs to be addressed by our politicians, look up your State Senator and express your feelings. Find your representative: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm What they're saying about Roy Beck ... "All sides can learn from Roy Beck" — Business Week "Always balanced and never strident" — Washington Post "Compassionate, profoundly moral" — Louisville Courier-Journal "Roy Beck's gentle tone, sympathetic to native Americans and immigrants alike, is a welcome contrast to the strident approach taken by most commentators on both sides of the immigration issue" — Norman Matloff, professor of computer science, University of California, Davis "No one has made a better case for immigration reductions" — Foreign Affairs "Virtually irrefutable" — New York Post "A populist reminiscent of classic investigative writers such as Upton Sinclair" — Vernon Briggs, labor economist, Cornell University "Beck documents the way employers have used cheap immigrant labor to slash pay or worsen working conditions in blue collar jobs" — Boston Globe "Gently and in a distinctly democratic and liberal tone of voice, Roy Beck makes the case for returning immigration to traditional levels" — Jack Miles, 1996 Pulitzer-winning author "Raises the moral and analytical level of the immigration debate" — Herman E. Daly, ecological economist Visit Roy Beck's web site: http://www.numbersusa.com/about/advisors.html Let Congress know how you feel about immigration issues. Click image:  Now, this weeks Goodies ... The Golfer   A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16th hole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine. He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we have, son?" The caddie replied, "About 135, sir." "My 6 iron, please," said the hothead. His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a 3 iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag."   Girls ~ Thanks Ms. Sandra Freitas   Tia Chuy ~ Thanks to Mr. John Lopez The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their Stories. "Lil Freddy, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Tia Chuy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands." "Good heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?" "Stay away from Tia Chuy when she's drinking."   Heavenly Cats ~ Thanks Ms. Sandra Freitas  A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again." God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"   Accident Prayer As my five-year-old-son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."   Priceless ~ Thanks Ms. Sandra Freitas     New Driver ~ Thanks to Ms. Lindo Jo Bruton A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair. To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?" Late Payments ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas   Technological breakthrough ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.   Green Side Up ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.   Oh, Baby ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas     Thought for the day ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen If you sometimes get the sudden urge to run around naked. Drink some Windex.   It will keep you from streaking.   Pay Attention ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones   Preacher's Best Years A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"   Picture of the Week The World's Biggest Dog   ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Records.  Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of World's Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff who has a 38-inch neck and weighs 282 pounds. With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200 lb. limit. Hercules' owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just grew ... and grew and grew and grew."   Before you go, remember your comments, suggestions, and contributions are always welcome.  When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along.  I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.  I leave you to ponder what a good friend of mine shared with me:  "The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way." Make it a good week, be happy and and come back soon. Joanne Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker e-PRO Realtor® Advantage Realty Clock Tower Commerce Center 3205 Whipple Road Union City, California 94587 (510) 429-4800 Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate,  Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate,  Danville real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real estate,  Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate. Peninsula real estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate, Half Moon Bay real estate Types of real estate in which we specialize:  houses, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties.