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~ Coffee
Break 101 ~
April
22, 2007 |
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Hi friends,
It's
been raining cats and dogs here in the San
Francisco Bay Area ... Boy, do we need it!
I dragged out old "Froggie" earlier today
(Saturday), but by the time I made it to the
driveway I decided to heck with this noise. Curling
up to a fire with a book is far more
fitting, so Froggie and I went back inside, he to the
umbrella stand, which he hates, and me to the
fireplace.
It
continued to storm most of the day and evening. Sometime
during the night it rained so hard it
awakened me and my bed partner, Lucy. No, no,
my dog Lucy. Half-awake, I stumbled down the
stairs because Lucy was determined to see what was going
on in her back yard.
All the
while I'm thinking, gosh, if the rain keeps
up some old movies and a big bowl of popcorn might
be in order for Sunday afternoon. Going back
to bed, my plan was set.
Wouldn't you
know it, by mid-morning Sunday the rain stopped and the
sun began to shine. Not just a peek through
the clouds, but big bursts of sunshine, so bright
I wanted to grab my sunglasses even though I
was still indoors. I have some serious choices to
make now; do I pull the drapes so
there is no glare on the TV screen or abandon my
plan?
While I
go close the drapes, enjoy this week's Coffee
Break. Remember, your participation is welcome and
invited. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips, and
noteworthy items. Got
a suggestion?
Take
care, stay in touch, and be
happy,
Joanne
Your San Francisco Bay Area Real
Estate Broker
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| Pulic Service Announcements
... |
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URGENT CALL
TO ACTION
YOU
NEED TO RESPOND TO THE
U.S. FOOD & DRUG
ADMINISTRATION
BY APRIL 25, 2007
TO SAVE YOUR
CHOCOLATE!
Don't Mess With
Our Chocolate! |
|
 Meet Roy
Beck - America's Best Friend
Click the image at the
right to watch a very enlightening
video.
If
you feel as I do, that immigration needs to be addressed
by our politicians, look up your State Senator and
express your feelings.
Find
your representative:
http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
What they're saying about Roy Beck
...
"All sides can learn from Roy
Beck" Business Week
"Always balanced and never strident" Washington Post
"Compassionate, profoundly moral" Louisville
Courier-Journal
"Roy Beck's gentle tone, sympathetic to
native Americans and immigrants alike, is a welcome
contrast to the strident approach taken by most
commentators on both sides of the immigration issue"
Norman Matloff, professor
of computer science, University of California, Davis
"No one has made a better case for
immigration reductions"
Foreign Affairs
"Virtually irrefutable" New York Post
"A populist reminiscent of classic
investigative writers such as Upton Sinclair" Vernon Briggs, labor economist,
Cornell University
"Beck documents the way employers have
used cheap immigrant labor to slash pay or worsen
working conditions in blue collar jobs" Boston Globe
"Gently and in a distinctly democratic and
liberal tone of voice, Roy Beck makes the case for
returning immigration to traditional levels" Jack Miles, 1996
Pulitzer-winning author
"Raises the moral and analytical
level of the immigration debate" Herman E. Daly, ecological
economist
Visit Roy Beck's web
site:
http://www.numbersusa.com/about/advisors.html
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Now, this weeks
Goodies ... |
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Commercial Reward ~ Thanks Mr. Richard DeBiaso
At breakfast one day, I
eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt
at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several
minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these
commercially, how much do you think I could get for one
of them?"
Without looking up from his newspaper
John replied, "About 10 years."
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New Survey ~
Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso
A recent
survey revealed that the average American walks 900
miles per year.
Another
survey revealed that the average American consumes 20
gallons of beer per year.
Conclusion:
The average American gets 45 miles per
gallon.
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Air Traffic Controllers
~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo
Bruton
Real (allegedly) funny
air traffic controllers and pilots conversations
A military pilot had
been having difficulty with smooth landings and the crew
was required to make note of the exact time the plane
landed at different bases. One particular landing took
several bounces before staying on the ground. The crew
reportedly called up to the pilot, "Which landing shall
we note for the record, Sir?"
-----
Tower: "Delta 351, you
have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351:
"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
"TWA 2341, for noise
abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at
35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when
it hits a 727?"
A DC-10 had come in a
little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American
751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if
you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe
exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
return to the airport."
-----
A military pilot
called for a priority landing because his single-engine
jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic
Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two,
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the
fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine
approach."
-----
Allegedly, a Pan Am
727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich
overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German):
"Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground
(in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German,
flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a
beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody
war."
-----
Tower: "Eastern 702,
cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some
kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635,
cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental
635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
-----
One day the pilot of a
Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the
active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew
got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane.
Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot,
not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real
zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
like yours and I'll have enough for another one."
-----
Allegedly the German
air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect
one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get
there without any assistance from them. So it was with
some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and
a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate
Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main
taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do
you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206:
"Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):
"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it
was dark,... and I didn't land."
-----
Allegedly, while
taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US
Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong
turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate
female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?!
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C and
D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the
embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till
I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi
instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go
exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
US Air 2771: "Yes,
ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted
to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out
around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown
pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
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Funny ~ Thanks to Mr. John
Lopez
An eye doctor,
a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in
heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let
into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he
helped people save or regain their sight. God says,
''Welcome to heaven, my son.''
God then asks the heart
surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him
into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart
attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies.
''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says.
God then turns to
the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the
man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to
heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in
two days.''
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Fast Food ~
Thanks Mr. Richard DeBiaso
The big problem with "fast"
food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach.
And it just parks there--and lets the fat have time to
get off and apply for citizenship.
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Choose ~ Thanks to Mr. Skip
Munson
Though Skip didn't write this, I
sure am happy that he sent it along to us. Read
it. Let it really sink in. Then
choose.
John is the kind of guy you love
to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has
something positive to say. When someone would ask him
how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better,
I would be twins!"
He was a natural
motivator.
If an employee was having a bad
day, John was there telling the employee how to look on
the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style
really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked
him, "I don't get it!
You can't be a positive person
all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake
up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You
can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to
be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good
mood."
Each time something bad happens,
I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn
from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me
complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining
or... I can point out the positive side of life. I
choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that
easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is
all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every
situation is a choice. You choose how you react to
situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You
choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom
line: It's your choice how you live your
life."
I reflected on what he said. Soon
hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own
business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him
when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to
it.
Several years later, I heard that
he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60
feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and
weeks of intensive care, he was released from the
hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after
the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he
replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see
my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but
I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the
accident took place.
"The first thing that went
through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born
daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I
remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to
live or...I could choose to die. I chose to
live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose
consciousness?" I asked.
He continued, "..the paramedics
were great.
They kept telling me I was going
to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I
saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and
nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's
a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I
asked.
"Well,there was a big burly nurse
shouting questions at me," said John.
"She asked if I was allergic to
anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses
stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a
deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity.'"
Over their laughter, I told them,
"I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive,
not dead."
He lived,thanks to the skill of
his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude...
I learned from him that every day we have the choice to
live fully.
Attitude, after all, is
everything.
Therefore do not worry about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day
has enough trouble of its own. After all today is the
tomorrow you worried about
yesterday. |
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Sick Leave ~ Thanks to
Mr. John Lopez
I urgently needed a few days off work, but
I knew the Boss would not
allow me to take a leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY"
then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I
hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.
My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I
was doing. I told her that I
was pretending to be a
light bulb so that the Boss would think I was
CRAZY"
and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the
office and asked "What are
you
doing?"
I told him I was a light
bulb.
He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go
home and recuperate for a
couple of
days."
I jumped down and walked out of the
office.
When my coworker (the blonde) followed me,
the Boss said to her,
"And where do you think you're
going?"
(You're gonna love
this...)
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't
work in the dark!"
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Late For Work
~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
Dan was in his
early 50's, retired and started a second
career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to
work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he
was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a
quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, one
day he called him into the office for a talk. "Dan, I
have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a
bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite
bothersome."
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working
on it."
"Well good, you are a team
player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though,
you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the
Air Force. What did they say if you came in late
there?"
"They said, "Good morning,
General."
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Employee of the month ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The
Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all
the tests, except one. Unless you pass
it you cannot
qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready"
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the
words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister
manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I
pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center
for computer problems
No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.
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Curtain Rods
~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
She
spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases. On the second day, she
had the movers come and collect her things. On the
third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some
soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp,
a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every
room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped
in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then
cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days.
Then
slowly, the house began to
smell. They tried
everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place
out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and
carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners
were hung everywhere.
Exterminators
were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which
they had to move out for a few days and in the end they
even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped
coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the
house. The maid quit. Finally, they
could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.
A
month later, even though they had cut their price in
half, they could
not find a buyer for their stinky
house.
Word got out and
eventually even the local realtors refused to
return
their calls. They had to borrow a
huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new
place.
The
ex-wife called the man and asked how things were
going.
He
told her the saga of the rotting house. She
listened politely and said
that she missed her
old home terribly and would be willing to reduce
her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house
back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell
was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of
what the house had been worth, but only if
she were
to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and
within the hour his lawyers delivered the
paperwork.
A
week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as
they watched the
moving company pack everything to
take to their new home. And to spite the ex-wife, they
even took the the curtain rods!
I
love a happy ending, don't you?
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Tide ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
Dear Tide:
I am writing to
say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all
of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the
best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on
my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring
husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was,
and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One
thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his
blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of
Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and
satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the
stains came out so well the detectives who came by
yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were
negative and then my attorney called and said that I was
no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of
my husband.
What a relief! Going through
menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the
Hefty bag people.
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A Little Known Fact ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
At three
minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this
year, the time and date will be 02:03:04
05/06/07.
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Californians ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
So
as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and
Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this.
You
know you're in California if:
1.
Your coworker has 8 body piercing's and none is
visible.
2. You make over
$300,000 and still can't afford a
house.
3. You take a bus and
are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in
English.
4. Your child's
3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is
named Flower.
5. You can't
remember . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two
mothers and a sperm donor.
7.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee
beans are grown, and you can taste the difference
between Sumatran and
Ethiopian.
8. You can't
remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move
you to tears.
10. Gas costs
$1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the
U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at
Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who
looks like George Clooney really IS George
Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as
much as your house payment.
13. You can't
remember . . .is pot illegal?
14.
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on
every news station: "STORM
WATCH."
15. You pass an elementary
school playground and the children are all busy with
their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely
sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour
early to avoid all the weather-related
accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is
pot illegal????
18. Both you AND
your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers
and cosmetic surgeons.
19. The Terminator
is your governor.
20. If you
drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If
you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
Forget the pot and enjoy
California!
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Johnny the Bagger ~ Thanks to Ms. Claudia
Kim
Occasionally
I'll see or read something that bypasses my brain, and
goes straight to my heart. The beautiful story of
Johnny, the grocery store bagger, was one of those
times.
Just click on the link below. It
takes only 3 minutes to watch it. I guarantee it will
make your day.
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| Picture of the Week ~ Thanks
to Ms. Barbara Jones |
|
World's Tallest Building?
Maybe
Location: Shanghai
China
Height: 1,228 meters
Floors:
300
To Be Completed :
2020
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Before you go, remember your
comments, suggestions, and
contributions are always welcome. When
you come across something funny or informative
and in good taste, please send it along. I
would love to include it with your name
and our thanks.
I leave you to ponder what a good
friend of mine shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything; they just make
the best of everything that comes along their way."
Make it a good week, be happy and and come
back soon.
Joanne
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Joanne L. Gardiner,
Broker
e-PRO Realtorฎ
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800 |
Our
primary services in the San
Francisco Bay Area are: East
bay real estate, Hayward real
estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville
real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real
estate, Newark real estate, Niles real
estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro
real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon
real estate, Sunol real estate and Union
City real estate. Peninsula real
estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City
real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real
estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate,
Half Moon Bay real estate
Types of real estate in
which we specialize: houses,
condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single
family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets,
residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes,
four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special
use properties.
| |
